SPACE.com -- Hundreds of Possible Alien Planets Discovered By NASA Spacecraft

"Quick! Someone call my ex-wife!"

Mystery Explained: How Frozen Humans Are Brought Back

For centuries, scientists have grappled with the problem of explaining the migration of lawyers across the mighty Pacific.

Now, we know.

Secret Revealed: How Lawyers Cross Oceans

Democratic lawmakers said today that, rather than British Petroleum, King Neptune was at fault for the massive Gulf oil spill's toll on aquatic life.

"Clearly," said Representative Ernie Faux a Democrat from Louisiana, "thousands of fishes could have been evacuated from the area had the king simply used idled school buses."

"I mean, school buses? They're made for schools? Of fish? Hello?" he added.