For ten points, in the following news report, find the name of the company that operates the tour boat that ran aground: Ship in Boston Harbor runs aground, is evacuated.

Bonus: For five extra points, relate what you would buy with your cut of the payoff that kept the company's name out of the story.

Today's early-morning lesson on spotting stupidity in print comes from Mark Sherman of the Associated Press. In his article on the Supreme Court's decision broadening the judicial understanding of governments' ability to restrict gun ownership, Sherman wrote:

By a narrow, 5-4 vote, the justices also signaled, however, that some limitations on the right could survive legal challenges.

I'm all for citizens owning guns but this is horseshit. So long as there are five conservative justices of the nine total who agree that the Second Amendment should be interpreted broader it ain't ever going to be narrow, folks.

No one will challenge this new interpretation of the 200-year old amendment by these five activist justices until the dominant right-wing ideology on the court and Chief is balanced.

It's a shame that in this country we say that we believe in fairness - and have such a grand national mental picture of ourselves as the crusading nation that fights for fairness - yet we allow our leaders to pack the courts in order to tilt the opinions rendered within them.

It should not be that Republican Presidents pack the courts with right-wing flunkies in order to try to change decisions handed down by left-wing flunkies appointed by Democrat Presidents before them.

Governing isn't a goddamn game you win or lose!

Drilling protesters join hands on oiled Fla. beach

Hundreds of people including Florida's governor joined hands on an oil-stained strip of beach in the Florida Panhandle as part of an international demonstration against offshore drilling Saturday.

After the touching display of protest, God rolled over on one buttock, broke wind and settled down again.

So after seven weeks of "Seattle Way" gum flapping, the Seattle PeeEye says Mayor Mike McGinn admits to being incapable of making a big decision during stressful periods.

Pressing for when there might be an announcement [of his choice of police chief], KIRO/7 reporter Essex Porter noted that seven weeks have passed since the three finalists were announced.

"If you recall, they finished visiting us two weeks ago, and last week we had a horrific fire," McGinn responded.

Four children and a 22-year old woman died in an apartment fire in the city's Fremont neighborhood on the morning of June 12.

This tragedy eleven days ago so personally traumatized the mayor that he has been rendered unable to choose one man out of two to lead the Seattle Police Department under his administration.

We wish the mayor the speedy recovery of his emotional abilities.

The big frigging pussy.

Meanwhile, as the world spun out of control, the SeaTimes helped announce that a hip-hopping something called Drake had been added to the Bumbershoot consolute.

I don't know what exactly hip-hopping Drake with a capital "D" be, but I think I tracked down his relevant photograph.

Over at the Seattle PeeEye, there's audio of the mayor, the interim (and future hopeful) Chief of Police, the Assistant Chief of Police, two Eagle Scouts and the city dog catcher all explaining their new initiative to keep Seattleoons safe from those nasty old bad guys.

My sources deep within the SPD tell me that the initiative is named: Seattle Take Away Your Horror Over Metropolitan Environments.

Shaping a new agenda, if needing one, divides GOP

In addition to apologizing to the perpatrators of the worst environmental disaster since a drunken Exxon Valdez captain tried to sail on an Alaskan reef rather than around it and wound up dumping his cargo of oily birds into Prince William Sound, the GOP is also having trouble agreeing on an election year agenda to adhere to during the next campaign cycle.

You may ask, "What could the GOP have to argue over when its last agenda drop-kicked the world into the Great Recession?"

Well, apparently the division is over whether their agenda should fuck people over or fuck people up.